You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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