so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
