if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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