im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
