All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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