Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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