Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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