I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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