I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
