Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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