The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
