Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
