you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
