You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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