Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
