Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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