I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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