A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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