The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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