Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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