he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
