Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
