If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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