Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize