I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Even my vagina gasped.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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