Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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