Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
