marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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