Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
