I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
