So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sacagawea was the original milf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
