covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
farters have to be the big spoon...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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