Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
