Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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