they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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