So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
