Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize