you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
