my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want her autograph on my taint
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
