Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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