She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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