i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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