The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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