I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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