tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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