I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
