i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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