i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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