Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
