I got chris browned last night
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize