i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
