she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
