Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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