I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
