If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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