you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
