I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize